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If you want to be secure in your primary relationship, knowing how to create mutuality and work together greatly increases the chance that you'll make it as a couple.When I’m counseling couples on the verge of divorce, it’s amazing how establishing mutuality allows the love to come back.Many people ask me, “How will I know if I'm in love?” Answer: Anyone who's in love usually knows it; the real question should be are we mutually in love, or am I wasting my time?Consider whether the decisions you are making will benefit both of you.For example, if one of you decides moving is a great idea, what will the benefit be to your partner?

When the above four conditions exist, the mutuality necessary for true love exists.

If you're paying attention to whether you and your partner both feel love, trust, benefit, and support, your intuition will probably be a pretty good indicator of whether mutuality truly exists.

Most people report that they are aware when their relationships feel unfair and unequal.

If something unavoidable or unforseen is going to prevent you from keeping a promise, renegotiate in advance.

In order to have love that works, you must be willing to say no when you mean no, and help your partner feel free to do the same.




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In this case, I’d generally recommend you to move on from this short term relationship. Just like in the guide, you must analyze why you guys broke up and whether or not it’s really a good idea to get your ex girlfriend back. Of course, you are never going to ask her directly to breakup with the new boyfriend to be with you (not until you are 100% sure she will say yes). If you do, you will end up being friendzoned and before you know it, she will always be discussing her relationship problems with you.


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I’m not looking for that and when that starts coming up, I scale my presence in her life back considerably – I don’t want things to turn into a relationship and therefore I withdraw. I’ve pushed her away and now I’m going to lose her. my goal being that I’d like to return to “stasis” – that perfect sweet spot of comfortable company and sexual satisfaction without having to tie myself down to any relationship.


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