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I am a polyamorous queer cisgender woman, and nearly half of all the lovers I’ve had have been transgender.I take this as a compliment: like everyone I make mistakes, but I figure I’m doing something right if so many trans* people have chosen to welcome me into their hearts.One of my transgender lovers feels validated when I call them “girl” in casual conversation and in bed.Many non-binary trans people want to be called a partner rather than a boyfriend or girlfriend.But respecting your partner’s changing identity is key to maintaining a healthy relationship, and my girlfriend has been learning to embrace her partner’s feminine identity as it develops alongside their masculine identity. Correct people who misgender your partner I run into this issue a lot, because my partner uses they/their/them pronouns, and many people are not familiar with using the singular they as a gender-neutral pronoun for people they know. I talk about my partner with the correct pronouns, but most everyone knows I’m queer and automatically uses “she” to refer to them because they think I only date female-identified people.Sometimes this happens with people I’ve only just met.This can be true for cis people with body image issues or who have survived sexual assault, so it’s a good idea to ask cis partners about this as well. Be mindful of you and your partner’s particular sexual safety needs If your partner is trans, it may not be obvious whether you can impregnate your partner or if your partner can impregnate you.

If you are about to have sex, then it can be acceptable to ask about genitals and other sexy bits.Keeping in mind that I’ve by no means covered every topic, here’s what I’ve learned about being a good cis partner to trans people I date. Recognize that your partner’s identity may change over time This is important to keep in mind even if you’re dating a cis person, because anyone can discover something new about their gender identity.I’m dating a cis woman whose partner of nearly a year identified as a cis man for most of their relationship.Your partner may lose trust in you if you do something like this.The only thing you can do is earn it back through good behavior.

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